Mark Dery always rocks. BTW, it's the first time I've seen lunger used since I was in third grade. Good times.

Fast food is one reason why Americans are so fit.

Fit, healthy, and let's not forget incredibly svelte.

Who would've thought that such delightful writing could be spawned from something like Taco Bell? "Partial birth monstrosity" is a marvelous way of describing their specials. I can't believe I somehow missed all those other Mark Dery posts up here, I'll definitely go back and check 'em out now...

FYI-
Carnitas is slow-braised and then pulled pig shoulder, not fried, unless you count when it's later reheated to throw in a taco. As a resident of South Texas, where great Mexican food (and great Tex-Mex, which outside of Texas is usually oxymoronic) is readily available, I must say I pity those of you who can't find it. But if you're in New York, it really shouldn't be a problem.

The explanation is very easy.

I live in New York. If I want a burger, I don't go to White Castle (Crystal's for those not in the WC catchment area). When I want White Castle, I go to White Castle.

It's the same with pizza and Domino's, and Taco bell and Mexican. I can get really good Mexican and Pizza within a couple of blocks of my apartment, but sometimes I really crave Taco Bell.

If you've ever wanted a surefire way to stop eating fast food, make friends with some people that work at one of the chains. Two of my best friends worked at a Taco Bell/Pizza Hut in high school, and I'll be damned if I ever set foot in a fast food joint again. Some of the stuff that passes for food in the modern world is mind-blowing... the cost of convenience in a free market I guess.

Correction. I think taco bell is pretty consistent in calling it ,taco meat, so as to get around USDA beef regulations. Relax though, because it's processed dairy cows - processed so much it is nearly 100 percent lean. Heard this from a lecture by one of their operations managers.

I don't think Taco Bell positions itself as "authentic Mexican food" any more than Pizza Hut positions itself as "authentic Italian food," and I doubt that most TB patrons identify what they get as all that Mexican.

ww lm fd snbbry, shckng.

Wow, Taco Bell isn't as good as, "a few batches of chicken in it last night, accompanied by fiery red salsa and homemade tortillas, and I'm pretty sure I saw god herself." That's a bold statement.

One I'm sure will convince everyone who goes to taco bell to start frying up some chicken in rendered pork fat, after making their own salsa and tortillas. In fact, it's close to lunch time, I think I'm going to start griding flour to make my tortillas over lunch.

Downing Taco Bell for the quality of their lettuce or associating the E coli outbreak caused by green onions with dirty restaurants is idiotic. Both the lettuce and the onions were probably farmed by “Authentic Mexicans” negating the whole point!

I am very much an Authentic Mexican, capable of creating Authentic Mexican Food, and I very much enjoy the Crunchwrap Supreme, thankyouverymuch...

First BB post to make me dry heave. Keep up the good work.

I remember back in the 70's when Enchiritos were served in metal tray thingies with a cardboard top. Had onions and black olives on it. Was much better then. Mmmmmmm... I don't know if they are on the menu now, but you can still get them if you ask. Most Tex-Mex is the same stuff, just shaped differently. Oh, and I still have a fondness for Jack-in-the-Box tacos. Don't really taste like mexican food, but they're good nonetheless... in a junk-food kind of way.

I love the local taquerias in the Chicago area, there's no food that good, that cheap, anywhere else in town.

But they don't have drive-thru. They don't have the abomination-before-god-that-I-crave called the Chalupa. At least I don't crave it often.

Now if Taco Bell could achieve a salsa with the intensity of flavor of the taquerias, they'd be a credible threat. But when the guacamole and sour cream differ only in color, there's no hope.

Taco Bell is not meant to be paid attention to. It's supposed to be crammed down your throat while you're driving or perhaps, when your taste buds are too drunk to care.

Actually paying attention to the taste is misusing the product.

Commenter #6 hits the nail on the head. When I want Mexican food, I don't eat Taco Bell. I eat at Taco Bell when I have a craving for Taco Bell.

It's like the old saying any seasoned programmer will give you when he is first getting specifications for a program, "Fast, cheap, reliable. You can have two of these things." You just can't get it ALL in a restaurant. Sometimes you just need a quick, cheap meal, flavor be damned. Sometimes you have the time and money to sit down while someone properly prepares your meal which you can then slowly savor.

Americans seem to have this distinct inability to understand nuances like this. "X is bad." Well, X displays undesirable traits for certain sets of requirements, but those very same traits are actually desirable given a different set of requirements. But no, we gots to live in a black and white world. See one bad example of something, well then they all must be bad. We can write off ALL Taco Bells as filthy cesspools because one particular store was particularly poorly kept, just like we consider ALL Muslims to be bomb toting terrorists because a few of them are.

I'm in the san francisco/oakland area, i can easily go to a dingy hole in a brick wall and walk out with one of the finest burritos ever made by man.

theres something to be said for the occasional cheezy bean and rice burrito. It may be made from nuclear sludge, but some stuff that tastes good is just bad for you.

also, i worked at taco bell as a teen, never eat the ground beef if you value you're intestines.

fuck me. i meant your

well the big reason for me is: vegetarian fast food.
(bean & cheese burrito). I'd love to never ever eat fast food, but sometimes ya got no choice. As a vegetarian, it's either Taco Bell or a baked potato from Wendy's.

I'm trying to read this article, but dude's prose is so dense with wistfulness and unnecessary wordage, I'm finding it quite hard. It kinda just seems like ego-trip mixed with race guilt.

Taco Bell -- Cat vomit on a tortilla.

It's franchised fast-food... what do you expect?
I'm an authentic Italian, and I know better than to go into a Pizza Hut or Olive Garden...
I live close to the ocean and know to avoid Long John Silver's plastic food...
If I had the balls to risk my health and well-being by ingesting what passes for food from a Taco Smell, I wouldn't go in expecting an authentic Mexican experience... If you don't have the wits to realize this, then I guess you deserve the refried slop they serve-up...
Points off for Mr Dery for going for the low-hanging fruit, Ronald McDonald could write a snarky bit on the Bell and get away with it... What's next? KFC expose? (Why does Kentucky Fried Chicken use "Sweet Home Albama" as theme music???)

Gabe (#5), I live in Columbus, Ohio, and have absolutely no problem finding "authentic Mexican" food. I would imagine that there are very few decently sized cities left in the US that don't have a sizable Latino population and neighborhoods built up around them. We even have Latino discos! It's cool and fun.

Personally, I rather enjoy some Taco Bell products, in moderation. Certainly their Grilled Stuft (sic) Burrito is very filling for the money. I'm sure if I knew more about what goes into their food, I might not enjoy it so much—so I guess I'm glad I don't.

I like to call it "FauxMex," as a sort of play on "TexMex."

I'm surprised no one has mentioned Taco Bell's magic ingredient; an exotic chemical which causes amnesia:

"Ugh! This stuff is horrible! You could make a better burrito out of cat food and Wonder Bread. I've learned my lesson and I'm never going to go to Taco Bell ever again."

Three months later:

"Hey, a Taco Bell! I haven't had Mexican food in a while."

* * *

The closest Taco Bell is also a "Long John Silvers," which sells deep-fried vaguely-seafood crap. It also has the secret amnesia ingredient. I'm thinking of getting a Momento-style tattoo which reads "Taco Bell and Long John Silvers serves crappy food."

On a related note, there is a Taco Bell taco seasoning mix (duh) that is available in most major supermarkets for about 49 cents a pouch. Nice to add to ground meat or soy tofu, and then you can have your own Taco Bell experience and (mostly) know what's going into it.

Very eloquent speech that fails to make connections between its points.

It's like asking why eat a tootsie roll when you can have ghiradelli chocolates, which are available at most grocery stores and even gas stations. Why? Because sometimes you just want a tootsie roll.

Taco bell is good, taco bell is cheap. Taco bell is not exactly for you, taco bell is not authentic mexican good. We all know that. I hardly think it constitutes a "Thou Shalt Not Eat Taco Bell Unless Thou Art Obviously An Uncultured Dullard".

For starters, not every major American city does have good mexican food.

Take Seattle, a city whose Mexican-American population has been growing in proportion and continues to grow. Try getting a decent burrito in that town. Let me know when you find it, because I'm about to move there, and I'm going to miss the great Mexican food in Sacramento.

One door down from me is a tacqueria called Los Jarritos that is just as cheap as taco bell, and overall, is better (no big surprise).

But taco bell is open later, and sometimes, I just want taco bell, and sometimes I'm in too much of a hurry to wait for anything else.

Sometimes you want Budweiser, even though they have something fancier on tap that isn't a lot more expensive.

Sometimes, as much as some people hate to admit it, but there is a certain charm to schlocky, cheap American food. Taco bell isn't much of an exception.

So the Greenwich Village Taco Bell has rats crawling all over it. Um...I'd imagine a lot of things in Greenwich Village have rats all over it, especially if that place is full of food.

If attracting rats (and let's not forget, the taco bell in question is in one of the most densely populated regions in North America) means the food must be bad, then Los Jarritos here in Sacramento must have really bad food, because the alleyway behind them is full of rats, and they were even closed for a week due to a vermin infestation. The taco bell half a block away from them has never had such a problem.

But that didn't stop me from going back the day they were back open for business over at Los Jarritos.

Just not a cohesive argument, really. I'd bet pounds to pents, even, that a lot of people who work at great, authentic mexican restaurants who take great pride in their work probably themselves occasionally eat at taco bell.

Cynic, while I think I agree with you in spirit, I do have something to say to this comment:

"1) It's cheap. Real cheap. Find me an authentic Mexican resturaunt as cheap as Taco Bell. Go ahead. I'll wait here."

It's called Los Jarritos, it's in Sacramento, California, and damn me if it isn't really good. Seriously, $2.50 for a chicken burrito so good and all you'll need to eat for a meal.

1995, Taco Bell, Salt Lake City, 94 cases of Hepatitis. Know one man who lost both kidneys as a result. I'd prefer one of the many taco carts downtown to Taco Bell. It's a chain for crying out loud, if I want cheap food I'll nuke a burrito at 7-11.

I find the best food where the family that owns the restaurant is there, and even better when the owner is the cook. Go to the Red Iguana, if you're ever in Salt Lake, where there's usually a line waiting outside on the sidewalk.

Wow, so "authenticity" is what's required for good food? Does that mean I can't listen to rap unless I'm downing 40s because it's "authentic"? Or that I need to start a junk habit to listen to Bird?

Please, the only people that worry about that kind of thing are the people who want to be "seen" eating.

Let's turn dining back into eating.

Have any of you George Castanza-like Masters of Your Own Domain who are eye-rolling about the thumping obviousness of what you imagine is my thesis actually read my essay?

The point of argument here is not---stop the press!---that Taco Bell's e.coli-ridden, Fancy Feast tacos aren't Authentically Mexican. That's a Duh. RTFA and you'll find that I'm interested in parsing the nostalgia we feel for junk foods we know are not only bad for us, but *taste* bad as well, and probably tasted no less execrable back in the day. But that's the least of my points. I'm also interested in the political subtext of culinary history, the ways in which ethnic dishes become scrims for the projection of a Racial Gothic. I'm also trying to excavate the cultural agenda in one white guy's near-obsession with Authenticity in Mexican food. What's up with that? Is it a kind of reverse racism, a fetishization of the Darker Other? Finally, I'm curious about Glenn Bell's role in popularizing a previously reviled cuisine by deracinating it, then---paradoxically---selling it to mass America by wrapping the Taco Bell brand in a caricatured Mexicanismo.

As for the notion, flogged by a few commenters here, that my essay is some sort of foodie-porn bukkake-splort all over a Crunchwrap Supreme, again, read past the misleading subhed ("I may have grown up to be a foodie, but I still think fondly of Taco Bell and its mushy burritos and fast-food mission facades"). Nowhere in the piece to do I say that I like (note present tense) TB. In fact, I say just the opposite, and say it emphatically, in my conclusion. I *do* say that I liked (note past tense) TB's faux-Mex cuisine as a kid, which is probably attributable to Count Chocula-era cluenessness, and to the fact that the quality of TB's food has indeed declined, making even the admittedly ersatz fare of '60s TB's better than the able stuff they serve today.

...better than the able stuff they serve today...

Typo. Should have been:

...better than the hwarf-able stuff they serve today.

Pretty much all ethnic food is inauthentic. Most Indian and Chinese restaurants change the menu to appeal to an American palate.

I think this obsession with cuisine authenticity is stupid. If I like Wonderbread, don't make fun of me. The Indian food of the Guyanese, reflecting the locally available ingredients of the Caribbean is in some ways better than the original food found in Bihar.

I like Mexican food made with Amereican ingredients, and even if I have to wade through the loitering middle schoolers, I'll eat at Taco Bell. Call it fusion cuisine.

Tom Bell invented Mexican Fast Food, not Glenn Bell. I've heard the story that Tom Bell invented the hard taco.

I am someone who believes there is no authentic Mexican food. In the sense that what we know as Tex-Mex food is already a bastardization and Anglo-ization of our interpretation of Mexican flavors. First, accept that Northern Mexican food aka Rio Grande food is nothing like Veracruz/Yucatan/Southern Mexican comida de la playa. So start with the North/South dilemma and go from there.

Where I grew up we had Roy Rogers hamburgers that offered an unlimited salad bar with each burger. Well maybe they hassled college kids, but they never bothered me. That meant that I've only eaten at McDonalds maybe 30 times in my life. Taco Bell did not enter our market until 1979. I ate their once as a kid and thought their food was harshly flavored with no subtlety and didn't eat there again until college. Long John Silvers sucked compared to Arthur Treachers.

In 1995, after gaining about 20 lbs I decided to become a vegetarian and stop eating fast food. I've nibbled on a few things since then, seafood when I'm stuck in the midwest primarily. But I've never eaten at taco bell, had a McDonald's burger or gotten KFC again. Not in 12 years. Surprisingly I haven't missed any fast food even once (though I've craved other meat items). Once you stop eating fast food you realize you never liked it.

The first thing I learned was that I did not need to eat in my car ever, not even once. I carried a bag of mixed nuts in my bag and a small handful of cashews kills all fast food cravings. When I was 19 I'd grab a burger and eat on my way to the library to study. Now I read at a restaurant.

The second thing I learned was that I felt a level of guilt or disgust after eating that food that disappeared when I stopped. That meant I never looked in the rearview mirror and said, "Why do you eat this crap?" if I never ate crap in my car. What if I didn't ingest that extra 1200 calories? Would I have more energy and feel happier? Woah, I did. Somehow I thought the food made me happy, but instead it made me unhappy and quitting made me happy.

The third thing I learned was that a well-made casserole or lasagna works better than any frozen dinner and is cheaper than any frozen dinner for immediate, post-grad-school-class dinners. Spaghetti is cheaper and better tasting than ramen. Fresh farmer's market produce tastes better than any of that stuff.

Chain pizza is inedible to me now. I'd rather not eat it during pizza parties at work than even have one bite, it's literally that bad once you stop eating it. Luckily there are three pizza places that deliver NY Style pizza that's still not as good as NY, but at least it's better than Pizza Hut!

I challenge everyone reading this who thinks that fast food of any kind is a reasonable food genre on its own to give it up between now and New Years Day. If you still eat pizza it's the same as running an all-Microsoft system without Firefox or any plug-ins, it's that uncool.

When Taco Bell was owned by Pepsico, they had an office in Irvine, CA (not sure if it was the head office or regional branch) and the canteen was basically a food hall consisting of their products at the time - Taco Bell, KFC and a couple more that have since been divested. It was open to the public too, which was quite weird. As a limey vegetarian I found the whole Taco Bell thing quite odd - I think the quesadillas were the only non-meat option on the menu at the time, and ten years ago they were basically a spoonful of nacho sauce slapped in a tortilla. I could walk (walk? In SoCal?) down to a little food mall near the office where there were a couple of far more authentic Mexican chains - Chipotle was one, I think, which were a lot less meat-oriented, which I guess 'real' Mexican food would be.

Taco Bell had an interesting history in the UK - there were a few branches in London and the south-east but they disappeared when Pepsico sold them on, and here we wouldn't recognise real Mexican food at all. I do wonder if it's due a renaissance, like the current growth of Subway (on target for one every square mile by 2010).

Don't forget the Starlink >>> Taco Bell connection! What will it be next? "Oops! We found some cloned beef in our tacos! Our bad!"